The end of the beginning of the Ecuadoran book

          It's about sixteen months since I came back from Ecuador and started to try and write something with that journey as a basis. I have not been working on it very hard and tonight I finally finished transcribing stuff from the journal I kept at the time. I've got just over forty thousand words written and it should pad out till it's about fifty five thousand words, which is a wee book. That's okay.

         I'd write more about this now, but this machine is now writing in a tiny font for some reason which I, of course, do not understand. I suppose I could spend another hour or so in the war against the machines, but ....

         If I wrote for three hours a day on the Holy Isle, in ten weeks I'd have the book finished.

At the ball!

 
          I haven't been anywhere for ages, but last week spent the weekend in a cottage at Kirriemuir with my new best friend, who seems to have lost a bit of her head in the photie, and her dog, Fergus. Fergus is a very smart dog since he only wants to attack old decrepit folk with walking sticks. This makes going to the pub with Fergus very interesting since that's where the decrepit old folk with walking sticks tend to gather of an afternoon. Woof, woof!

          I was thinking that I might be spending Christmas in Brussels. This evening most of Brussels seems locked down due to loonies going around looking for a crowd to blow themselves up in, so I don't know if that's going to happen. When the weather gets cold and horrible, you just want to stay in. The cottage at Kirriemuir had three open fires. Just the job for a break at this time of year.

Still in the war against the machines

          I've spent the last three times I've tried to write anything dealing with word processing problems, but today I decided only to spend only half the time on that and actually wrote down some words.

          Yesterday was the first day of not smoking. It's embarrassing to still become addicted to tobacco when I've given it up so often, but I've been smoking now for about three months. Not yesterday or today though.

          First day off yesterday and I went to the bank to clear up some stuff on my statements. I was led into a room to phone the credit card folk in the bank. I was asked to pay £45 last month when I hadn't used the card for a year or so. The folk in the bank said my credit card was £45 in credit, so I was phoning the credit card folk (they are the same folk as the bank?) to ask for the £45 back. I could not access my account there because I failed to answer the security questions properly. I handed the phone to the bank teller. You speak to them, says I. She was the one who told me to go into the room to speak in the first place, but of course they would not talk to her. No way. I tried to hand the credit card to this person. I do not want this, I said. She said she could not take it. Why not? Because it has £45 in credit on it. They said they could send me something special so I could speak to the credit card folk (who are the same folk!). They asked me what I wanted. I want to be left alone, I said.

       The first day off nicotine and you could murder someone, so you could.

       I'm going to try and finish a first draft of my book before I go to the Holy Isle. There's lots of stuff I could write here about the developments in the inner heat juju, but no one who reads this is interested, so ....Oh, I went up the allotment today and did some digging. |That's what the photies are about.

In the war against the machines again!

          I| took quite a few photies today up the allotment, but I cannot find them on my camera. Sometimes all this digital age crap can become a little irksome. Oh well.

           I didn't do much writing last week since I had some friends from Holland staying in my flat. Also, the last time I tried to write anything, I was trying to divide the prose into sections using some  of these *******. But when I hit the enter key, two think bands appeared. Well, one thicker than the other. I  could not get rid of them, try as I might, so I abandoned writing then. Tonight I started trying to get rid of them by using two copies of the text and cutting and pasting round the offending lines, but this did not work either. So they'll just have to stay there, at least for now. Does anyone know how to fix this problem?

           |I was trying to read a book called Ridley Walker by Russell Hoban. This book is written in a way that I would never write since I try to make my prose simple. This book is written in a made up language, but it is good and probably worth persevering with. I also bought a second hand copy of The Story of Daniel by E.L. Doctorow. I read this book about thirty odd years ago and really enjoyed it, but I can go and read all the books I read in the long ago because I can't properly recall them. So reading it again should be a certain treat.

Start of the week.

         
          Everything has been going wonderfully well for me recently, apart from me getting into my usual bad habits, the ones I've abandoned so many times before. Well, at the start of this week I got back into some purification again. This makes one feel crap!! But you have to admit that you deserves it. Yesterday was worse than today, but today I went for a walk in the Botties. How wonderful to have the Botties so close at hand.

          I've worked out how to write the ending of the book. Just got to write it then!

Five star review for Remote Control!

        " A collection of complex, damaged, sometimes mysterious characters are drawn into a political intrigue, with plot twists and authentic dialogue aplenty. A page turner that carries you along despite none of the protagonists being either likeable or sympathetic."

        This review appeared on Amazon today and I thought I'd put it here since this blog is supposed to be for stuff like that, advertising the ebooks and whatnot. Reviews very rarely appear on my blog. This is because most of my friends are .... unwilling to see me become rich and famous, like that great writer Jeffrey Archer, since it would lead to me ditching them right away so I could hang with nice people for a change.

          You can find the ebook here.

          Of course, the review was written by someone I have gotten to know quite recently, but she did read it and she did seem to like it. But it isn't really a five star novel. Not unless you really like a thriller where the main protagonist is on a massive drug bender and has a rather variable moral compass. The only publisher it was ever sent to was very complimentary about the writing, but thought it was a bit edgy for a general readership. Probably correct. But a reasonable read if you've ever enjoyed getting whacked off your face. Well, it sang to me at the time!

Today's photies from the allotment

Shadow boxing!

          When I stopped working to look after my daughter circa 1987, I was then unable to do boxing training with anyone - I'd been training kids at school and used to spar with them. I was corporal punishment's last stand in Central Region - but I wanted to keep training, so I decided to try to be able to complete six three minute rounds of shadow boxing with half a minute breaks - you still move around the place, but you can give your arms a rest. Anyway, I've kept this up ever since. I wear a tee shirt, two sweatshirts, the woolly jumper and a bin bag liner between the sweat shirts. This year I lost quite a bit of fitness due to being on my holidays for a couple of months at the start of the year, but it's coming back. I haven't done much running for the past couple of years due to a slight aggravation with my feet, caused by doing prostrations. But I go cycling with Poisonous and still do some hatha yoga - mainly back bends and head stands - and I try to do a tai chi set every day.

           Just about everything in my life is going great at the moment. But this is the start of the week and I need to put my body through some purification after a most enjoyable weekend. I'd really like to stay in my hut for most of the day and I think I'll do that. I sat for a straight four hours on Friday and for three and a half on Thursday. I seem to be going up a level in my ability to sit, but the weekend might just have knocked that back a bit!! Oh, well. Once more into the breach dear friends!

A Little Change of View

          My camera came back from its holiday today and so I took some photies of my flat.
       
          There has been a change over the last year of so in my views on meditation. It used to bug me that nobody wanted to do it except me. My Chinese friend said that everyone has their own karma, so you shouldn't worry about such things. That idea helps. Also, I have accepted that rebirth probably occurs though there is no sensible reason why this should be. Rebirth and the working of karma do make things seem a little fairer than they seem to be, but why should things be fair? Just because you'd like them to be? Anyway, in my view of rebirth, YOU don't get reborn. It's just a pile of unresolved crap that gets reborn.

          If you accept this, you're are a flatheid unless you can maintain non-dualist contemplation through waking, sleeping and dreaming, and then you might be able to get out of cyclic existence. I know I am not going to be able to do this, almost certainly, in the time I have left as John McKenzie. If enlightenment in this very body is all that matters, as the Buddha said, well, I think this lifetime must be counted as a failure in itself, but, hopefully, there has been some improvement in what went before. But this is a difficult thing to know for sure.

          I yam what I yam, says Popeye The Sailor Man.

          Being kind to yourself is not a bad starting point for kindness in general. I'm going to be less hard on myself concerning my legion of bad habits. Nothing is perfect in this perfect world. I need a bit more mindfulness and to do more retreats, that's all.

           Speaking of bad habits, I felt a bit tired in the late morning as I walked through the beautiful, wonderful city in the perfect autumnal light. Usually, when I meditate I set my alarm for an hour, or an hour and a half more often. I didn't set it this afternoon and sat without a break from twenty past four till ten past eight. The experiences I have had through meditation make me a very fortunate creature, but it's not something I can take any credit for. I'm just bits of a lot of other people with a variation in causes and circumstances. Free will is overrated. You can only apply it in your given condition for one thing.

           So party on! At the end of the day we're all fucked!

           
         

News From Pisa

          Readers of the previous blog posts will know that I spent about four months at the start of the year in the company of my Chinese friend, Winnie. I was very pleased to get an email from her last week as I assumed that I'd heard the last of her. It's the effect I have on folk!!

          Winnie doesn't read this blog so I can safely say she is someone I grew to admire. Very focussed, very self sufficient, and has all her ducks pointing in the same direction, unlike moi! For those who want to know, she's now moved to a place near Pisa for two years to study and meditate. She speaks good English (and can understand some Scottish now!), Cantonese and Mandarin, but no Italian. Who said women were the weaker sex? Some idiot! I'm sure wherever meditation can take you is where she is going. Though she has more of a background in zen, she's bound to be a good candidate for doing the Short Path. That's doing the long, closed retreats and all that. She also does daily practises in Shaolin Kung Fu. If you just look at the photie, you'd think butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Some folk are just a lot more than they appear to be!! A josephine of true grit if ever there was one! Anyway, more strength to her arm!!

         Speaking of your ducks not all pointing in the same direction, my camera has gone on it's holidays again. It's resting down in Newington at the moment. Apart from stumblebumming about the place every now and again, everything is going great for me. Getting better and better. My meditations still seem to be improving week by week despite my occasionally errant lifestyle.  My weight is down to eleven stone and going down. And I seem to keep encountering wonderful, kind women.

       

       

Another Lovely Day

          The weatherman said it would rain, but it didn't. I was in the Botties and up the allotment for most of the afternoon, but I didn't take any photies since I have lost my camera again. I think I've had three cameras already this year. |I got home from Bellshill on Thursday with no camera. Left my shoulder bag on the train. Dearie me.

          I think I've written about 34,000 words of my new book so far. It's going well. When I've finished it, I'll have written three books with Buddhist stuff in them. One with hinayana; one with vajrayana; and one Dzogchen. Dzogchen is regarded as the highest form of practice in Tibetan Buddhism which is interesting because it doesn't come from Buddhism.

           I've been re-reading Initiations and Initiates in Tibet by Alexandra David-Neel. The empowerments they give these days do not seem to be like that.

         

Another interesting dental appointment.

          I was a bit early so I'm going to have a wee seat at the edge of the plant display outside what used to be Goldbergs down Tollcross way. You can face onto the traffic junction there and there is some space around you, so you might try for a wee meditate before the tooth yanking begins. I'm closing my eyes for little bit and then opening them to see if anyone is getting close to me.

           Due to recent developments, I'm straight into white light bliss when I close my eyes, and much more than before. I'm afraid this means nothing to you if you don't get bliss at all, but that's not my fault.

          I'm also reminding myself of the meditating strategy I'm going to use when the yanking or drilling gets going. You pay attention to the visualisation you are trying or the mantra you're repeating. When it comes to the dentistry business going on, you focus on that as little as you can.

          Also, since I practise the corpse pose and derivations of that, relaxing when the woman (I've got a woman dentist!) lays the chair flatter is dead easy.

          So I was lying there with my eyes closed doing the bliss, focusing elsewhere and paying attention to my body, trying to locate anywhere that was tense. The time spent in the dentist's chair was actually quite nice.

          I wasn't expecting much help from the meditations when the tooth yanking began, but the extraction was easier than any I remember from before. The dentist said she'd slit into the ligaments that hold the tooth to your mouth so the tooth came out easier. Why haven't they always done that?

           The only fly in the ointment at the moment is the tobacco. Everything else is going brilliantly. Anyway, I haven't had anything to smoke today yet (it's 11 a.m.) and I'm away up to my allotment to collect my dinner.

A Beautiful Day!

          Such a beautiful day and so unexpected at this time of year. I had to go to the allotment twice. The second time I took my camera with me, so the photies were taken in the light at just after five o clock. I've discovered that my camera uses the old batteries, not the rechargeable kind. I assume that means it's quite old. I used to think twenty years was a long time ago, but now it's hardly a blink!

          Everything is good just now and getting better. My lifestyle seems to be working as far as the meditations go. Just wish I could get on top of the nicotine addiction. I'd like just not to switch to the booze addiction afterwards!

           I'm getting a tooth pulled tomorrow. Be interesting to see if the "envelope" opens when the woman is struggling to yank the tooth out of my head!

Interesting dental appointment

          Several interesting things happened this week. I went to the dentist for an hour and a half of root canal work. So the seat goes back till you are almost flat and as the woman sets about the root canal investigation, and you start trying to do the bliss. The bit inside somehow opens up and you're in a much better state than you've ever managed in a dentist's chair before. The root canal work didn't bother  me though the dentist was unable to open the canal in the end. An awful lot of poking around as well.

        This post was supposed to be about my first cycle of the year, but the camera has packed in again.

         My Hong Kong friend finally contacted me for the first time since she escaped my clutches and returned home. Thank god she's well and looking forward to a couple of years practising in Italy.

         My writing has moved into top gear. Really enjoying it as well!!!

Sikkim maybe

          I took the photies up the allotment this afternoon. The stewed apples have been a particular treat this year, and I'm looking forward to trying the kale this evening for the first time.

           Brian Wilson contacted me over the weekend and suggested that I go to Sikkim next year with him and his wife, and possibly some others. This suggestion has good and bad aspects, but is mainly a brilliant idea. The only downside I can see about this is that we would be trekking from place to place with guides and all that palaver, which I'd regard as a bit of a stupid waste of my life, but one of the places we'd be visiting is Rumtek monastery. I'd love to visit Rumtek monastery. Skkim has such fantastic buddhist associations and won't be a complete hellhole like Bodh Gaya.

           If only Brian Wilson and his wife are going that would be fine by me. As long as somebody's there to get him out of the jail after he's been attempting to drink Sikkim dry. Also, I need travelling companions to keep each other company when I'm meditating.

           I've been smoking tobacco for the last six weeks. Today is the start of the stopping again. Taper off and stop on Wednesday. I hadn't been smoking at all since March, so starting again was the usual disappointment.

The weekend again!

          Last night I went out to a Neu Reekie gig at the Speigeltent up at the bookfest. I haven't been at these gigs recently, mainly due to all the travelling this year, but it's performance poetry and music, and one of my favourite things to go to. So I stood in the queue at nine and at nearly quarter past nothing had happened, and I went home.

           That is the main problem with being single again. There's no one to go out with to the movies, theatre and such like. I don't really like going out to stuff on my own, but the solitude is definitely working. It makes trying to keep "mindful" a lot easier! And the meditations are very seductive right now.. Wonderful things continue to develop. Bliss comes and goes, but it's full on at the moment. There has definitely been a change recently in the sheath that stretches and seems to open further and further somehow into more and more bliss, and I think all I have to do is keep this going. Even with my bad habits, I really feel as if I'm on a path to somewhere, but God knows where. This makes doing the juju kind of fascinating. I've just got to not bother about not seeing anyone.

          I haven't done much writing this week. I was trying to write something about enlightenment and realisation, and remembered that sometimes writing is quite hard. You've got to work at it. Next week I'll write either in the afternoon or in the evening.  I'm not going to have a draft finished by Christmas unless I write every day. The trouble is that I find it difficult to meditate for six hours a day and write as well. I'll just have to utilise my time better and waste less.

          I've sold a couple of books over the last few days. That doesn't happen every week. The books are downloaded about forty times a month right now, but this happens when you put them up for free. Just great that folk can be bothered downloading them at all!

An apple a day!!

           The first two photies are to show that I have been to the Edinburgh festival though this is the least it's ever impinged, not for years and years. The next three photies were taken up the allotment this afternoon. The last photie is of the apples I picked and which are now apple stew. Just add water and boil. Tastes great, so it does. You'd expect it to  be sour, but it aint.

           So I was out at the festival to see a show, best forgotten, with Gilliebabes and on Sunday I did a bit of aimless, pointless walking around staring at folk with Poisonous. I'm glad if it was quiet and I can get into the meditation part of the week in one piece. What's happening in the meditations makes trying to keep everything else quiet most worthwhile. I'm trying to write regularly now, but it is definitely on the back burner these days.

Allotment

            This is the first year in nearly twenty years that I have not had tons of onions. I missed the boat with the wee onions you get from the on-site shop, and the ones I planted from seeds were no show. Also, the cabbages I transplanted, which Andrew and Roz had planted, turned out to be kale. I   have turnips growing, but my veggies, other than tatties, are the worst ever!! This is because I was away at the start of Spring and never really had enough time in it this year due to travelling all over the shop, and whatnot.

              There has been a huge change in whatever goes on in my meditations recently, but you have to get all your ducks pointing in the same direction. And some days you do not feel like doing it .... like today .... but you have to do it anyway.

                Trying to describe the physical feelings from the vase breathings just makes one sound like a loony.

A baby mouse.

         
          There was a huge mound of old weeds and such covered with black plastic sheeting. I took off the sheeting and was throwing the stuff underneath onto another part of the allotment when I encountered two mice nests. The photie is a photie of a baby mouse. A wee cowrin', timorous beastie and probably a NO voter, all cowrin' timorous beasties every one!

           I was following a controversy over the Highland Clearances on someone's blog today and discovered that, according to the evil bourgeois view of history, the Duck of Sunderland was some kind of philanthropist, maybe a bit like Gandhi. So, like the ducky, I told the mice that they had not paid me any rent, that I owned the land (though I don't!), and I was going to move them off to a part of the allotment where they would prosper once they'd managed to survive the elements for the first night or so. Sounds fair enough to me.

Dzogchen Immediate Recognition

          I've been reading about Dzogchen recently and found this on YouTube. It made quite an impression.

          I've been thinking a lot recently about maintaining "presence" or awareness, or extending  mindfulness outside meditation sessions. This is a lot more difficult than it seems, especially when in Dzogchen they are talking about not meditating at all,(I think eventually!) but maintaining "non-dualistic contemplation". I think I've been in a non-dual state for about twelve seconds in my whole life, but what this guy says in the video just kind of clicked with me. He's not talking about awareness, but the "knowing" which is always present, at least while you are conscious. Of course, if you were a Dzogchen master, you'd be maintaining "presence" while awake, asleep, and dreaming i.e all the time. Then you keep it up when you're dying.

          I was hoping to be going to the Holy Isle with Lama Rinchen today, but it turned out that there were no single rooms left. But I did have the good fortune to meet with her yesterday for a couple of hours. She says I need "transmission". I'm not sure what this is, but I think it's a zap from the juju master. I assume when I am ready, this will happen.

          Lama Rinchen had to leave the Holy Isle to look after the Samye Dzong in Brussels. I told her I would visit her there sometime this autumn, and I will do that. This will be my first trip which I actually organise myself, the tickets, accommodation and all that. A little adventure!!

          My ears pricked up when she told me the dzong has two rooms which are let out. For the rest of this year I must be able to abandon my bad habits, or I will have to leave this flat and go into some kind of retreat. I might be better off with a personal retreat since I'm not interested in prostrations anymore, and I don't believe in anything that I haven't experienced personally. I think in Chod you have to offer your body to demons, etc. Also, I'm not interested in Gods, demi-gods, etc. By embracing your ignorance, you do not believe in anything. You do not disbelieve in anything either, but I'm not interested in leaps of faith. |I like doubt.

           The after effects of the vase breathing have taken quite a jump over the last couple of weeks. I'm in a different country now. But I'm not meditating enough. Not enough "awareness" when I'm not meditating. I don't speak the languages they use in Brussels. Great. I've taken refuge with the lama who runs the centre. They have rooms. A few months in Brussels after the new year might be just the job!!

Still in the war against the machines!!

          I got changed to BT broadband recently. It stopped working tonight for about an hour and a half. No rebate. No messages. No fung all! I hope Jeremy Corbyn nationalises the basturns, every one!

          Not to worry. I got a message today from the Holy Isle which said I could get a single room there from Tuesday till Sunday, so I'll be on my travels again next week. Awaiting confirmation! I'm trying to rendezvous with my spiritual friend, Lama Rinchen.

          Apart from doing the juju for twelve years in closed retreats and being the guide to josephines doing other ones .... well, Lama Rinchen is  one person you can ask about stuff and know she's probably heard all that before. I know it's a mark of how fortunate I am that I'm getting to speak to her at all. She's over here from Brussels for a couple of weeks. She's a great laugh as well! We'll probably meet up in Central Station in Glasgow and go to the Holy Isle together.

           I'm going to have a very quiet weekend. I need a very quiet weekend. I did not do any writing last week or any training due to not having .... well, it wasn't quiet last weekend!

           I'm finding it really hard to get a grip on my bad habits right now. I'll need to do that or go on a long retreat, which I don't really want to do. I'm giving myself to Christmas time to get myself sorted out, or else ....