During the ten years I was interested in writing drama, I had eight plays produced on radio and on stage, but I was always more interested in writing prose. I've had two novels published by three publishers, but I have eight unpublished novels. All ten books are now available on Kindle.This blog was set up to give me an internet presence and help to promote these ebooks. So I'm a writer and playwright who lives in Edinburgh.
I took the photies up the allotment this afternoon. The stewed apples have been a particular treat this year, and I'm looking forward to trying the kale this evening for the first time.
Brian Wilson contacted me over the weekend and suggested that I go to Sikkim next year with him and his wife, and possibly some others. This suggestion has good and bad aspects, but is mainly a brilliant idea. The only downside I can see about this is that we would be trekking from place to place with guides and all that palaver, which I'd regard as a bit of a stupid waste of my life, but one of the places we'd be visiting is Rumtek monastery. I'd love to visit Rumtek monastery. Skkim has such fantastic buddhist associations and won't be a complete hellhole like Bodh Gaya.
If only Brian Wilson and his wife are going that would be fine by me. As long as somebody's there to get him out of the jail after he's been attempting to drink Sikkim dry. Also, I need travelling companions to keep each other company when I'm meditating.
I've been smoking tobacco for the last six weeks. Today is the start of the stopping again. Taper off and stop on Wednesday. I hadn't been smoking at all since March, so starting again was the usual disappointment.
Last night I went out to a Neu Reekie gig at the Speigeltent up at the bookfest. I haven't been at these gigs recently, mainly due to all the travelling this year, but it's performance poetry and music, and one of my favourite things to go to. So I stood in the queue at nine and at nearly quarter past nothing had happened, and I went home.
That is the main problem with being single again. There's no one to go out with to the movies, theatre and such like. I don't really like going out to stuff on my own, but the solitude is definitely working. It makes trying to keep "mindful" a lot easier! And the meditations are very seductive right now.. Wonderful things continue to develop. Bliss comes and goes, but it's full on at the moment. There has definitely been a change recently in the sheath that stretches and seems to open further and further somehow into more and more bliss, and I think all I have to do is keep this going. Even with my bad habits, I really feel as if I'm on a path to somewhere, but God knows where. This makes doing the juju kind of fascinating. I've just got to not bother about not seeing anyone.
I haven't done much writing this week. I was trying to write something about enlightenment and realisation, and remembered that sometimes writing is quite hard. You've got to work at it. Next week I'll write either in the afternoon or in the evening. I'm not going to have a draft finished by Christmas unless I write every day. The trouble is that I find it difficult to meditate for six hours a day and write as well. I'll just have to utilise my time better and waste less.
I've sold a couple of books over the last few days. That doesn't happen every week. The books are downloaded about forty times a month right now, but this happens when you put them up for free. Just great that folk can be bothered downloading them at all!
The first two photies are to show that I have been to the Edinburgh festival though this is the least it's ever impinged, not for years and years. The next three photies were taken up the allotment this afternoon. The last photie is of the apples I picked and which are now apple stew. Just add water and boil. Tastes great, so it does. You'd expect it to be sour, but it aint.
So I was out at the festival to see a show, best forgotten, with Gilliebabes and on Sunday I did a bit of aimless, pointless walking around staring at folk with Poisonous. I'm glad if it was quiet and I can get into the meditation part of the week in one piece. What's happening in the meditations makes trying to keep everything else quiet most worthwhile. I'm trying to write regularly now, but it is definitely on the back burner these days.
This is the first year in nearly twenty years that I have not had tons of onions. I missed the boat with the wee onions you get from the on-site shop, and the ones I planted from seeds were no show. Also, the cabbages I transplanted, which Andrew and Roz had planted, turned out to be kale. I have turnips growing, but my veggies, other than tatties, are the worst ever!! This is because I was away at the start of Spring and never really had enough time in it this year due to travelling all over the shop, and whatnot.
There has been a huge change in whatever goes on in my meditations recently, but you have to get all your ducks pointing in the same direction. And some days you do not feel like doing it .... like today .... but you have to do it anyway.
Trying to describe the physical feelings from the vase breathings just makes one sound like a loony.
There was a huge mound of old weeds and such covered with black plastic sheeting. I took off the sheeting and was throwing the stuff underneath onto another part of the allotment when I encountered two mice nests. The photie is a photie of a baby mouse. A wee cowrin', timorous beastie and probably a NO voter, all cowrin' timorous beasties every one!
I was following a controversy over the Highland Clearances on someone's blog today and discovered that, according to the evil bourgeois view of history, the Duck of Sunderland was some kind of philanthropist, maybe a bit like Gandhi. So, like the ducky, I told the mice that they had not paid me any rent, that I owned the land (though I don't!), and I was going to move them off to a part of the allotment where they would prosper once they'd managed to survive the elements for the first night or so. Sounds fair enough to me.
I've been reading about Dzogchen recently and found this on YouTube. It made quite an impression.
I've been thinking a lot recently about maintaining "presence" or awareness, or extending mindfulness outside meditation sessions. This is a lot more difficult than it seems, especially when in Dzogchen they are talking about not meditating at all,(I think eventually!) but maintaining "non-dualistic contemplation". I think I've been in a non-dual state for about twelve seconds in my whole life, but what this guy says in the video just kind of clicked with me. He's not talking about awareness, but the "knowing" which is always present, at least while you are conscious. Of course, if you were a Dzogchen master, you'd be maintaining "presence" while awake, asleep, and dreaming i.e all the time. Then you keep it up when you're dying.
I was hoping to be going to the Holy Isle with Lama Rinchen today, but it turned out that there were no single rooms left. But I did have the good fortune to meet with her yesterday for a couple of hours. She says I need "transmission". I'm not sure what this is, but I think it's a zap from the juju master. I assume when I am ready, this will happen.
Lama Rinchen had to leave the Holy Isle to look after the Samye Dzong in Brussels. I told her I would visit her there sometime this autumn, and I will do that. This will be my first trip which I actually organise myself, the tickets, accommodation and all that. A little adventure!!
My ears pricked up when she told me the dzong has two rooms which are let out. For the rest of this year I must be able to abandon my bad habits, or I will have to leave this flat and go into some kind of retreat. I might be better off with a personal retreat since I'm not interested in prostrations anymore, and I don't believe in anything that I haven't experienced personally. I think in Chod you have to offer your body to demons, etc. Also, I'm not interested in Gods, demi-gods, etc. By embracing your ignorance, you do not believe in anything. You do not disbelieve in anything either, but I'm not interested in leaps of faith. |I like doubt.
The after effects of the vase breathing have taken quite a jump over the last couple of weeks. I'm in a different country now. But I'm not meditating enough. Not enough "awareness" when I'm not meditating. I don't speak the languages they use in Brussels. Great. I've taken refuge with the lama who runs the centre. They have rooms. A few months in Brussels after the new year might be just the job!!
I got changed to BT broadband recently. It stopped working tonight for about an hour and a half. No rebate. No messages. No fung all! I hope Jeremy Corbyn nationalises the basturns, every one!
Not to worry. I got a message today from the Holy Isle which said I could get a single room there from Tuesday till Sunday, so I'll be on my travels again next week. Awaiting confirmation! I'm trying to rendezvous with my spiritual friend, Lama Rinchen.
Apart from doing the juju for twelve years in closed retreats and being the guide to josephines doing other ones .... well, Lama Rinchen is one person you can ask about stuff and know she's probably heard all that before. I know it's a mark of how fortunate I am that I'm getting to speak to her at all. She's over here from Brussels for a couple of weeks. She's a great laugh as well! We'll probably meet up in Central Station in Glasgow and go to the Holy Isle together.
I'm going to have a very quiet weekend. I need a very quiet weekend. I did not do any writing last week or any training due to not having .... well, it wasn't quiet last weekend!
I'm finding it really hard to get a grip on my bad habits right now. I'll need to do that or go on a long retreat, which I don't really want to do. I'm giving myself to Christmas time to get myself sorted out, or else ....
These are the three books I've read about Dzogchen. Dzogchen is regarded as the highest practice in Tibetan Buddhism, which is quite odd really since it's not really Buddhist. I'd like to practise it, but it is too advanced for me. You have to try to maintain non-dualistic awareness 24/7. Overcoming dualism is, of course, the name of the game. Anyway, if you can perfect Dzogchen, when you die, your body regresses to light. What? I've read about this so often that I think|: What the hell? You turn into light beams and only leave your fingernails and hair behind. I suspect if this is possible the only person who could get near it in Europe is probably Numkhai Norbu. I hope they stick a camera on this body when he passes away. He's nearly eighty. I'd love to meet him before he goes!!
In "The Crystal and the Way of Light" he talks about an incident with his uncle (who achieved the |Rainbow Body) and says that by then he could keep "presence" while awake, asleep and while dreaming. This is amazing. I've started re-reading that book. It cheers me up.
I fried my brain on Saturday night, but it seems back to normal today. Had a great meditation this morning. Anyway, the only problem is that I started smoking tobacco three weeks ago and today I have been giving it up again. I haven't been smoking since the start of March. I'm amazed at how stupid I am. I told a friend of mine I'd watch the Celtic game at half five this evening. Well, at least |I've have an excuse for kicking the shit out of the telly when they get beaten!!
I'm supposed to be downloading a photie of a tree, but this camera .... dearie me!
I had a great Saturday night and Sunday morning! But I was a bit fashed and bashed yesterday. I remember stroking someone's arm and head in the wee small hours, but this was in a room full of folk and I'm almost sure I wasn't stroking anything more interesting, so that's alright. I was only going to have two or three pints of Guinness! Helps you understand these guys who go out for a pint of milk and don't show up again for a couple of years. Oh well.
I still feel a little bit fashed and bashed today, but this morning I did a sitting that lasted three straight hours. In the afternoon I was going to the hut, but got diverted trying to maintain "presence" while walking there. I thought this might be working so I kept walking and ended up having a lovely meditation in the Botties. That's where I took the photie of the tree I was gazing at.
It's a lovely evening! I'm going to the hut. I'll have done at least six hours today. Hurrah!
If at first you don't succeed ....This is the war against the machines. Why is this in italics?? 9:35 p.m
About twenty folk were blowing bagpipes up Inverleith Park, but I decided to sit in the hut anyway. But the buggers were blowing away there till nearly nine. Challenging, so it was. But I didn't care since I got an email from my special spiritual friend, Lama Rinchen. She's going to be on the Holy Isle from the 10th and I will be able to have some face time with her soon. She's done three four year closed retreats, so she's a total treasure when it comes to the juju. Hurrah!
I think I'll start blogging about the bliss again. I stopped because nobody was interested. Flatheids just don't get the bliss! But I'm interested. Something extra started happening a couple of weeks ago and it's been pronounced, despite going to Hamburg, ever since. This is some kind of further opening of channels, I assume. Anyway, bizarre that I've managed to make progress despite my bad habits!! I'm seriously thinking of spending some time up the allotment and maybe meditating at night time there this week. Since I decided that I'm on retreat for the rest of my life, or at least for the first half of the week, everything has seemed a bit easier to do.
Anyway, tonight I might go to a party in the City Cafe. It's the fortieth birthday of the first kid of my old friend Tony O'Boyle. How time flies! I might see Poisonous on Sunday, so from Monday till Thursday is hermit time!!
The son in law sorted my teevee connection and I should be able to watch Champions League footie this year. He's really good at that sort of thing so thank you, Andrew!!
