Raising Inner Heat

          It's about ten years now since I took refuge and became some kind of a buddhist. It's probably eight or nine years since I got the Dorje Semper empowerment and a few months after that I had a kind of inner heat experience.

          Heat - and it was really hot heat! - went up my central channel and fanned out into my lungs, or so it seemed. It was like a leaf pattern with the veins and all. I thought then that I'd cracked it right off. I even told two folk that I could raise inner heat. What a laugh! Even now I couldn't dry off a handkerchief. Sometimes I get warm and sometimes I can sit in the cold and it doesn't bother me, but that's not raising inner heat. Overall warmth and all is not the same as making heat go up your central channel.

          But I suppose optimism keeps you going!!

          The retreat I'm doing down here is going very well as far as the meditations are going. I'm probably not doing much more than an hour or so more than I would be doing in Edinburgh, but there are few distractions and I'm, of course, not getting wasted in the evening. The visualisations are coming on a treat. I suppose that means mental clarity is increasing.

          The longest I've spent down here is ten days. I've slept down here six nights so far and have six to go.

           I count the days. It's hard being on retreat. I miss my bed, my lovely bed. I miss being able to do hard training sessions and I miss luxuriating afterwards in the bath. I guess I miss being in my flat.

           I look at my play for half an hour most days. I do this to tell myself I'm not taking this too seriously and that I'm really on holiday, but I'm not. I know what I want to do with this play and it's frustrating not to be able to, so I should have left it at home.

           You have to do retreats to get ahead with this juju. Being here meditating does make a huge difference. But roll on next Tuesday