Because thou art saved, shall there be no more cakes and ale?

           Doesn't that look like a perfect spot to go on retreat?       

           Anyone who knows anything about me knows that for most of my adult life I've spent some of the evenings drunk or stoned. This is not an anonymous blog, so ... sadhus smoke dope. With drugs, if you can still maintain concentration and do some kind of mental calming ... something that has just heightened your awareness a little bit might not be too much of a problem if you can bring on the focus ..... drink is the curse of course since you never get the dose just right and it is the worst drug if you want to do this juju at all. Of course, I'd like to be happy being completely sober and straight all the time, but I have to admit that my practice isn't there yet. But what I'd really like to do is stop drinking. I'd like to go to sleep at night sober and straight so I could practice dream yoga or, at least, start to remember my dreams again.

           In some kind of weird way, I think I might find it easier to give all these pollutants up if I give up trying to give up. If I can be happy for a little bit here in Stockbridge, I think gradually this will sort itself out. The meditations might begin to make taking any pollutants seem idiotic, and only a way to have a less enjoyable time!!

          At least, I managed not to get steaming with Brian Wilson yesterday. I had about five pints of awful tasting, mainly weak, beer over five hours. I might have had seven beers but Brian Wilson drank two of mine. I don't think he knew how much he was drinking because whenever he went outside for a fag, I poured some beer from my glass into his.

          Brian Wilson's betting strategy was to work out who was certain to win by studying the form all morning. He put double rings round this horse in the newspaper and it did indeed win. But he didn't bet on it. He bet on horses that might have been owned by protestants or folk who might have voted NO in the Scottish referendum. Nags with monikers like HunsRUs, and WeRthick. After he lost all his money, he stole some off me and lost that too. Then I had to give him a tenner to get a taxi home. But it was a very successful day really. Normally, at some point when I'm out boozing with Brian Wilson, I have to pretend to the bog and run away.

           Spending all afternoon sipping beer that tastes like piss is a good way to put you off the off-license in the evening. So I spent the evening sobering up and around eleven I was sitting in my hard back seat watching Match of the Day, as you do. Sometimes when I'm like that, I take a wee, inadvertent vase breath. That might have happened then .... wow! What was that? This channel opening shit suddenly seemed to have opened further, again.

           So I was in a different zone once more!! Couldn't believe it. The warmth and bliss were delicious and the space it was happening in was somehow expanded. I was a bit shocked and surprised. Then I thought I should blog about it and sit up into the wee hours meditating, but I thought it would be better to get an earlier night and march on today.

           It's less than a week since my girlfriend packed me in. The events of last night during Match of the Day were very, very encouraging. I have had more time to put into the meditations, especially in the evening, and that's already paying dividends despite the emotional eddies resulting from the relationship aggravations. The next part of my life could be really wonderful ... all I want is for everything to calm down, for me to have time to settle into my life in Stockbridge and have the time to fix my flat. Just sitting quietly doing nothing gets the lollipop, but it would be a big help if I can manage not to be a sitting target for the afflictive emotions of the too dumb to meditate. Pay attention to your friends, but don't be too available. That should do it.

           I really feel as if I'm going to have a great day today. May go to the allotment or the Botanical Gardens this afternoon. Doesn't matter. Every day in every way I'm getting better and better and better.

9.50 p.m.
          Just finished meditating. Must have done over seven hours today which is quite good considering I also did some digging, some shadowboxing, some writing and had a lovely, lovely long bath. But I've got four bottles of weissbier which I'm going to start necking right after writing this!!

          In the hut today, there were two incidents of  a feeling of much bliss a great expansion. I remember being in the Zen Mountain Monastery (three years ago now!!) with Winnie and she was telling me about sitting in the zendo, feeling really achy and tired when .... kazoom, there was the wonderful expansion and bliss and she wasn't feeling tired or achy at all.
          I really wish there was some kind of explanation for all this stuff. It isn't enough to say stuff like this happens to folk who meditate a lot. There must be causes that result in these sensations, something going on in your body/mind or whatever. So you concentrate and repeat mumbo jumbo to yourself or whatever, and this happens .... not enough of an explanation!
          I'm tired now. Come on, the beer!!