Friday 18 July 2014

Lovely machines!


     
       
 The last time I went shopping with Brian Wilson he stole a jacket and I had to take it away and give it to an old age pensioner to assuage the guilt. But everything is forgiven because he's bought me a telly! It's even better than the £430 shades! You can see dead people walking around on this telly. I think it's time for the return of hallucinogens. You can wear the Monet hat and the shades and strap yourself into the seat with a zapper in each hand.
          The telly was simple to set up. Some old people are frightened by technology and they have to take their computers back because they cannot switch them off, but what they need is a son in law. Your own children are always useless. They have no need to be nice. As soon as you start fumbling with the box, the son in low, who loves zappers and technology, has it up and running in about ten minutes.
           The reason why I find things very easy is because I don't care. I'm sure someone else will enjoy fixing stuff much more  than me. I'm trying to do emptiness and non-attachment. At the end of the day, it's just a load of old photons anyway.
            Brian Wilson took me to a warehouse. There wasn't a man to speak to about the specifications. You just read a label, pick up a flat pack, and go. It was a place only known to the evil bourgeois. They give you air miles. So Brian Wilson had taken me there so he could buy the telly with his card and thus increase his air mile dividend. This is obsessive behaviour, a sign that someone is on the autism scale. All my friends are on it. Albert has the totally good housekeeping seal of approval on that one. Brian Wilson has been so obsessed with his air miles that he doesn't realise that he's just given me a telly that costs over £700.
            Except it's for free. He could give me two tellies and it still wouldn't make a dent.
            But it must be fraud. I don't have the warranty on the telly. It's in his name. I'd better phone the polis or I won't be able to sleep tonight. I'll have to sit up and watch the telly.
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6 comments:

  1. Anonymous19 July 2014 at 04:01

    I say!

    That telly is so small! Are you sure it isn't a satnav?

    MM III

    ReplyDelete
  2. John McKenzie19 July 2014 at 16:24

    You can speak to people inside it! And not just dead people.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous23 July 2014 at 12:10

    I suppose the 2 photies are a spot-the-difference competition, like in the old Reveille mag. I'm not that autistic that I'd attempt it without knowing what the prize is. Albert.

    ReplyDelete
  4. John McKenzie23 July 2014 at 16:08

    The prize is something you give to yourself. Due to the severe calvinist toilet training, you might not know what it's like to give something to yourself instead of withholding it from other folk. It's a synthesis, if you can jump the gaps!

    ReplyDelete
  5. John McKenzie24 July 2014 at 15:48

    Albert? Is there a difference or not? The prize is an hour meditating with moi next summer.

    ReplyDelete
  6. rob12 August 2014 at 21:41

    There is a difference.

    ReplyDelete

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