Samsara

           To clear up some loose ends before I go into retreat, I contacted Colin MacDonald yesterday to let him know that the BBC radio drama folk had never gotten back to me about the play. I sent them a letter about five or six weeks ago. Being an idiot, it turns out that I sent the letter to Queen Street here in Edinburgh when the drama operation for Radio Scotland hasn't be in Edinburgh for years. Oh well. Colin gave me the head of drama's email and so I sent off an email.

            I got a reply really quickly asking me to email the play. This was right in the middle of a packing spree, but I quickly looked over the script and sent if off along with some old clipping and my writing CV.

            The play is still a bit clunky and needs more work than just taking another quarter of an hour off it, but I think I'm better sending it off like that than spending a lot of time on it and then being disappointed. From what I know, you don't get things accepted by sending them to folk you don't know or who don't know you. Anyway, if the folk in Scotland are not interested, I will do some work on it when I get back from the retreat and try London, and anywhere else they produce radio drama. I'd like to get it right now whatever happens to it.

             As part of mopping up proceedings, I checked my gmail account yesterday, something I rarely do. I found an email from the wife of a guy I was most friendly with in my first year at University, Andy Young. Unfortunately, Andy passed away in 2004, so I guess he died when he was about fifty three. I was kind of pleased that he'd died of a heart attack. That is the best way to go in my opinion. It was also the opinion of Paramahansa Yogananda.

              Andy was kind enough to invite me to spend the summer at the end of my first year in Fort William where we worked on a building site for a day and then in the aluminium smelter for two months. That's when I started smoking fags. I didn't see anything of Andy after he left uni. He had four kids. Right now I can remember him so well. In many ways, quite a guy. Rest in peace.

Two days to go!

          The two top photies were taken yesterday when I went to the hospital to visit my friend with the MS.Visiting Kate is a great antidote for feeling sorry for yourself. She's always cheerful.

           The rest of the photies were taken on a great walk I had today in the Botties.

            This is the sixth day since I started wrestling with the Nicotine Dragon and I wakened today feeling quite happy. I used to think I was crabbit in the morning because almost everyone is crabbit first thing, but I now think that first thing mood is due to pollutants in your system. For instance, if you're a nicotine addict, you wake up with a deficit, and probably aren't really together till you've had some nicotine and coffee maybe.

             The last time I tried to buy aspirin from Lloyd's pharmacy, the woman asked me if I'd had aspirin recommended by my doctor. Nonplussed, I ended up getting some from Princes Street. But today I was ready for them. So the woman asked me if the doctor had recommended that I take aspirin. No, I said, but he didn't recommend that I get hangovers either. The aspirin wasn't for hangovers since I don't really get them. So they don't want to give you aspirin. Nobody has ever asked me if the doctor had recommended them when I buy fags, or beer for some reason.

               As I've said, the mood music changed today. I'm looking forward to the rest of my wonderful life. Get me to the Holy Isle!! Get me to the Holy Isle!!

Photies from a different walk!

          When I'm going out for a walk, I normally turn left down near the end of Raeburn Place. Today I went right, so the photies are of a different part of the beautiful, wonderful city. So lucky to live in this part of town.

           This is the fourth day of having no nicotine. There was bit of early afternoon teeth clenching, but I've been helped a lot by the fact that I haven't had to see any of my deep, dear friends. Of course, I spent whole days saying nothing to nobody. The four folk I talked to most have passed away over the last two years, and I do miss decent conversation. It might seem a little odd then to be going off to some place where I can expect almost no conversation at all, but clinging and craving never got anyone anywhere.

              I think this is the fourth or fifth time I've had to wrestle with the Nicotine Dragon since this time last year. What an idiot!!

New Dawn

          On the morning of my first day of not smoking, I wondered why I had to leave town to go on retreat when I should be able to get myself organised here. Obviously, the best reason for going on retreat is the absence of alcohol and tobacco. But today is the first day of not smoking, and I hope to get by with nothing at all by Sunday evening.

            To the hut! I went out to the Army and Navy store today to buy a free standing hut heater, but they'd sold the last one. Oh well, it's not really cold at the moment anyway. I was thinking of doing the four daily sessions of meditation in the hut as of Monday. This is the same schedule as they do on retreat.

             The point is that I don't want to go on retreat and not smoke or drink and then start again when I get back here. I've got to get this regime established here somehow.

              For the latter half of last year, I allowed my self to go to restaurants sometimes. I couldn't say I couldn't afford to any longer, not last year anyway. But I really don't like restaurants!! Next year I'm not going anywhere you don't pay for what you're getting right there and then. No horribly obsequious basturns hovering around asking if you are alright and such stuff to pander to the evil bourgeois. Also, I'm not eating in pubs anymore since folk just inveigle me into such places so we can get drunk. I'd really like to stop drinking this year entirely so staying out of licensed premises might be a good idea.

                Whatever happens about the putative retreat, I won't be seeing anyone now till my birthday on the 8th of February. If I try to do a retreat here at the end of next week, I won't be going on the computer or answering the phone. That will be really hard. You can see it would probably be easier going away, but I don't feel as if I've settled into any kind of life without my partner yet and going away might not help.

                 The photies are from around town over the last day or two. The giraffes is where I met the kiddos yesterday. You can get three veggie burgers (with a non-alcoholic drink) and a pint of Guinness for £13+ in a bar place called Wetherstones, or something like that. It's right beside the giraffes anyway. The two street photies are of Raeburn Place just where it curves onto the Stockbridge.