Samye Ling and the heat.

                   Problems getting photies uplifted as usual, so this is an old one of the kalachakra mandala which I once bought for my auld maw. It's now hanging on my kitchen wall.

                   This is my third day down at the Samye Ling. Probably haven't been here since September which is not good enough! Anyway, I just had to get away from all the bad stuff I do in Edinburgh and kind of re-affirm what it is I'm really supposed to be doing.

                   It always takes a couple of days to really settle in here. You really want the first sleep to go well, and mine didn't really. Due to previously waking up here drenched in sweat, I know sleep on top of the downie under the quilt. But I wakened up around four and went under the downie and wakened up drenched in sweat! You've got to laugh. Last night was fine though. Probably a better sleep than I usually get in Edinburgh.

                   So this morning the meditations really started working. Many times before I've had intimations of heat --- I thought I'd cracked it about fifteen years ago when I had a sudden arising, but that never happened again --- and I have definitely been getting warm sometimes over the last year or so.

                   When I did the nine weeks on the Holy Isle, I hoped I'd get this heat stuff sorted then, but it didn't work out like that. Got lots of bliss of course, but not much heat.

                   This morning was different. I'm getting warm by just sitting doing the calming meditations. This is an appreciable heat. So now I'm getting heat okay, but I'm kind of stuck because I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Truck on, I guess.

                   Lama Rinchen told me that the meditations and the heat will burn off all the neuroses if  I stick with it. Alexandra David-Neel says yogis get hot and go cotton clad, but after a while the thing equalises to the heat in the environment. I really don't know. I'm in the dark.

                  Should I be a little bit concerned? Tai Situ's book, which I have with me here, says doing this juju without a qualified helper is like getting someone who knows nothing about electricity sorting the electrics in your house. The house can burn down.

                  Of course, I have qualified help!! Just not here really. Anyway, nothing bad has happened to me so far. Guess I just keep on keeping on.

                   It's harder coming here when your visits are less frequent, and when you have been behaving badly at home. I'm a bit annoyed with myself. The pollutions make it harder to settle. When I was with Winnie on the Holy Isle a couple of years ago, I sat one morning for four hours. My practice these days is pretty pathetic. But l had a dream last night which I actually remembered. Haven't really been even remembering dreams for the last couple of years. This is not good. But, despite everything, there is obvious progress in the meditations. I wasn't getting heat like this in September.

                   I've arranged to see Lama Rinchen on the 5th January. She'll be on her way to the Holy Isle for the winter retreat. I'd like to go and I'd like not to go. The nine weeks I did there seemed to be no use to my daughter or Heather. C'est la vie.