This year has started off not very well. Didn't manage to get to the Samye Ling or the Holy Isle and I'm still dedicating merit from my meditations to my nephew Malk, much missed. Things in my social life have been very stressful, but now the relationship seems to be over, the Spring has arrived and now is the time to look forward to better things and better times.
I tried to put a photie of Dilgo Khyentse on top of this post, but couldn't get it to work. During my first meditation of the day, I go through a list of eminent religious folk, trying to visualise them, etc. Dilgo Khyentse has been on that list for a while, ever since I read a commentary he wrote. He said in it that if you wanted to help people, you should do the retreats and get siddhis. Dilgo Khyentse, according to a biography I came upon, spent seven years in a cave with books, etc., within reach so that he didn't have to move much. Most folk would think that this is a complete waste of life, but flatheids just don't get the bliss. I have a complete admiration for folk like Dilgo.
So what am I going to do?
Since I am solo again, I can do almost anything I want. But I am sixty seven years old and we are not guaranteed the time. Before I die I would like to have completed the meditations given in The Bliss of Inner Fire. I spoke to Lama Rinchen about this the last time I saw her. I told her I was getting some heat, which surprised me since I thought it wouldn't happen unless I could do the visualisations, and wondered if you could gather the four blisses described in the book when you couldn't visualise properly. She said you might get spontaneous happenings, but you couldn't control it properly unless you did the ... time, really.
There has been a lot of shit hitting fans over the past few weeks, but throughout it all my meditations have got better and better. By this I mean that there much expansion and more bliss and some heat. It's hard to describe, but it looks like things are really accelerating. Of course, it often feels like this!! Then you kind of habituate to the new plateau. But this time it really does seem to be accelerating.
So what am I going to do?
Khenpo Karthar is still alive and well in the Catskill Mountains. He was the first one to bump brows with me. He said: I am happy to make a connection with you. His people said I could go there to meditate, so I could go to the Catskill Mountains for a couple of years.
The last time I spoke to Lama Yeshe, about five years ago, he said come and see me when you want to start meditating. I was meditating about six hours a day at the time. I mentioned this to Lama Rinchen. She said but you know what he means. I've had a hankering to go down to the Samye Ling for a month or so with a tent. Keeps recurring that one.
Lama Rinchen has invited me to Belgium. I could go there.
What I would really like to do for the next few months is meditate right here. Apart from my ex-girlfriend showing up on Thursday, no one has visited this flat for months and months. I would prefer to do all this stuff here because if I go away somewhere, I'll have to come back and all my addictions are here waiting for me. So I've got a hut, a lobby, and plenty of time on my hands.
I could do all of these things though not at the same time!!
I told myself about fifteen or so years ago that I would count myself a "proper practitioner" if I prevail against the cold. In this afternoon's meditation it came on more than ever before. So I can count myself as some kind of practitioner, if not a very good one! The best thing is the bliss in the bath and first thing in the morning. Wakening up and becoming conscious then very soon having the bliss is the best thing. Such as that should make staying sober at night very worthwhile.
If I did nothing, everything would still turn out great. I've only been doing about four hours a day recently, and much less when I was with my ex-girlfriend. Just by having that time back will make all the difference.
I couldn't handle being on my own all the time before when I wasn't on a retreat. I didn't like the evenings, but over this weekend the time in meditation has been sailing by and on two out of the last three evenings I've had the best meditations of the day between eight and ten.
I hope the best of times are just ahead of me. I think my practice these days could handle a bit of solitude. This might be hard, but you don't get the lollipop if you don't give it a go!
As the man might have said before he passed:
All compounded things are subject to dissolution. Pursue your salvation with diligence. Walk on.
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