It's coming yet for aw that!

                 Lama Rinchen Palmo got me here to Le Jardin de Meditations in Beaumont on Saturday, so I've spent three nights here and one morning. It always takes a couple of days to settle in, but this time was easier than the last time in June ... well, I know the place and some of the folk here recognise me.

               I'm staying in the cabin in the photie and it's hard to think of a better place to do a wee retreat. There's a small porch and the wifi reaches there from the big house and you can sit here when it's raining due to the over hanging roof. It's unbelievable really that I've landed here in such a place. The charge is 50 euros a night, but you don't spend any money otherwise, so it's only really costing me about 20 euros more than I'd have spent at home. Of course, if you haven't got twenty euros, it's a lot of money, but it's affordable for me.

            I feeling a wee bit exhilerated just now. I managed to meditate for three hours before lunch, and it's far easier to meditate than it used to be. It's like long distance road running. If you're not fit, it can be murder, but if you're fit, it's quite enoyable. But these meditations have been much better than that!

             The inner heat is definitely coming on. I can't believe it because I don't feel like I deserve it. I'm basically a moron stumblebumming about the place, but supported by geniuses. Lama Rinchen Palmo has been a fabulous help.

             To get this Deity Yoga business right, you have to eventually feel as if you are a deity in a mandala, and I think that's not going to be possible for me. For one thing, I don't believe in deities, but I am trying my best! I suppose you'd have to do a proper long retreat and hide away from the world for some time.If I don't make any more progess with the bliss and the heat I got this morning, that'll be fine. I am a very fortunate creature!

            The only bugger is that I'm 74 years old already. It must be a much better life if you get all this done when you are young. But c'est la vie. I'm not complaining. I've been getting loads of bliss for over thirty years.

            Even if I wasn't making much progress, or any, doing retreats is just so good for you. In the last day or two, I've felt that all my anxieties and worries are being shed. Also, I'm sleeping much better (definitely helped by the lack of booze!!)

             There's a statscounter thing on this blog, so you can see if it's been hit. I only come here when I see that Michelle has landed on it from Spain, but for the last few days there's been a ton of hits from Singapore. There's too many for it to be a person. What could a machine want with this blog?

            I've got seventeen days to go. Hurrah!

              

And then there was Heat, Tummo, and some sense of satisfaction.

            So, it was on the Ist of October, 2025, when on the outbreath, there was .... a bit of a surprise, maybe a wee bit of fright. Something is happening which is a little unexpected and you feel yourself pulling back as if a fire had suddenly ignited in front of you. Wow! What the fuck!

            It made me think of the passage in a book by Alexandra David-Neel where you talks about raising inner heat to dry something off. I can't remember what. She said, I think, there there was nothing sacred about inner heat and you could use it to do what she was doing, which wasn't something sacred either.

            It's like a wavy wind of heat roiling and rolling up your body. A few years ago, my mentor, when we were discussing doing these meditations, asked me if I was scared. I thought this was a very odd question to ask, but I understood what she meant when this incident occurred. I can't say this heat stuff was something I was in control of.

            Once, probably about twenty years ago, there was something weird happening on the outbreath of vase breathing, and my arms would shake a bit and I'd wonder if I was going to have a fit. I felt that I had  to be careful for a while, and it passed.

             I'm being careful now. They tell you not to force it. I wouldn't dream of forcing this! I'm going on a three week retreat soon and I'll see how it all goes then.

            Two interesting things about this. One is that it occurred at dusk. They say the best times to meditate are at dawn and dust because the air goes evenly up both nostrils then and, it seems, that's what the meditations are trying to do anyway.

              The other is that I haven't given up cannabis and alcohol. A dose of cannabis coffee I ingest most days was coming on when this thing occurred. 

               I always contended that you didn't have to be a saint. And I'm just your usual Joe. I'm not even a proper Buddhist. I could call myself a humanist, or a super-humanist, or a pantheist, though I don't think there's much difference between pantheism and buddhism.

                Most of my meditations are done in the morning and afternoon. Milarepa says in the 100,000 Seongs that "in the evening there was always tummo". I heard once that the "fire element" was more pronounced in the evening. Well, during this upcoming retreat, I might find out if that's true!!

                 The photo is of where my mentor lives. I'll be going back there with her this weekend coming. Beaumont, here we come!